Dig Deep Mama: Hold It Together in Front of the Kids

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25 NIV

Tip Three: Hold It Together in Front of the Kids

When Cam and I were young parents to David and Aaron, we had differing views around what our kids should and should not see as it related to lots of things, but in particular our conflict. I for one, believed our children should see us have conflict now and again, and (here’s the key): resolution. I wanted them to know the truth about family and marriage and relationships. Healthy conflict is normal. And resolution is divine. 

Cam felt (mostly because he had never–I mean never!–witnessed conflict in his family of origin), that our children should absolutely never see us have conflict. How did we resolve this, uh, conflict?

We grew to appreciate that our views differed about what conflict could look like. On the frustration/clash continuum I was more likely to let the boys see beyond what they probably needed to see or know at varying ages and stages. You really don’t need to show them all of it, ‘cause it can get ugly, right?

And Cam was, as you might guess, on the other end of the continuum. Show them nothing to upset them or cause them to feel insecure or unsettled. 

We moved toward each other and found a happy medium: We tried to be wise about what they saw and heard of our aggravations.

And sometimes we did better than others.

But here’s the thing: You don’t get to do what you feel you want to. You are the parent. You are the mother. 

Your job is to hold it together in front of those children–to a large extent–not telling them everything you feel and fear. You are the parent. They are looking to you. And too much display of your frustration will in fact, cause them unnecessary stress and anxiety, particularly during these times of far too much stress and anxiety in the world.

That said, at times, you could just scream! You could just hit something! 

Ok, so here’s the tip: Hold it together.

Hold it together in front of the kids by:

1. Say: God help me!  (Say it inside or quietly out loud.) God help me.

2. Breathe (long, slow, deep breath. You know this, but do you do it?)

Then, at times if those don’t calm you down,

1. Go somewhere and let it rip!  Go somewhere–the back yard, for a walk, to your bedroom, a closet, the car–and scream! Yell! Get it out. You may need to grab a pillow or a punching bag or whatever you’ve got that you won’t damage and let it rip physically, too!

And if you have a child that needs to do it, give that child permission to go into their own private space and do the same. Give them something soft to use so they won’t hurt themselves or anything (or anyone) else. 

It’s unrealistic to think that at these times, you don’t need a good release. Just hold it together in front of the kids.

Dig Deep, Mama! You got this.