It's Time to Live Again

Did you make your list? The list of everything you want your husband to be to those kids? (Even if you’re no longer married to him.)

Remember I’m writing this particularly for you, who like me have been burned by your father. As I wrote last week, you “had a dad who was abusive or absent (either literally deserted you, was rarely there, or who stayed, but whose heart and mind were far, far from you)."

Ok, let me take you back to my counseling session from the early days of my marriage. Here’s what the counselor said to me on my next visit: “Read me your list, Nancy."

I was ready and willing. After all, he was about to turn Cam into the perfect father through my insightful inventory.

“I’d like Cam to:
Provide for our children
To cheer them on in their sports 
To hug them
To tell them he’s proud of them
To protect them
To laugh with them…”

On and on, I read my thoughtful, hopeful list.

Then the counselor said, “Great job. Now, Nancy, I’d like you this week to take that list and sit down with God in prayer and read it with this preface in front of each line item:

‘God, I didn’t have a father who…provided for me.
God, I didn’t have a father who…cheered me on in my sports.
I didn’t have a father who…hugged me.’
And so on….”

And I was stunned. I had never thought about the impact my earthly dad had on me. And I did the work. I did what he instructed. And it’s had an unbelievable effect on my life.

I urge you, if you’ve never acknowledged this truth, if it is indeed true, do what I did years ago. 

Sit with God, the perfect Father, and tell Him your sorrow. Confront reality. Allow sadness over your reality, which you’ve maybe spent years avoiding and surviving, to now come.

Then let God, the perfect Father, meet you there. He’ll mourn with you. And comfort you.

Then ask Him to come into that place of sadness, distress, and loss, and breathe Life.

It’s time to live again, dear one.
~Nancy