How to Be a Lazy Genius: Kendra Adachi on Embracing What Matters, Ditching What Doesn’t

Series 2

Mar 9

We’re wrapping up our self-care series this week, and as we’ve seen, there are dozens of ways to care for yourself, from giving yourself rest and checking in with your mental wellness, to writing down what’s going on in your head and more. We’ve got one question that, well, gets to the heart of this podcast: what truly matters to you? Today, we’re going to learn how to be a genius about the things that matter, and lazy about the things that don’t, thanks to the solid advice of New York Times bestselling author and podcaster Kendra Adachi, AKA The Lazy Genius! Kendra and Nancy talk through Kendra’s journey as a recovering perfectionist, and how taking off the armor of being perfect might feel scary, but the rewards of letting others into your life are absolutely worth it. Kendra also shares how to reframe your priorities, and why that practice helps you clear the mental clutter that’s weighing you down. Equal parts hilarious and insightful, Kendra reminds us to respect ourselves enough to embrace what truly matters to us—and to respect others for what matters to them. And when we give ourselves permission to embrace only what matters and let go of what doesn’t, we are open the door for more joy and confidence in our days.

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Show Summary

Hi there, Nancy Hicks here, welcome back to So What? Why It Matters.

Today, we're wrapping up our Rethinking Self-Care series. As we've seen, there are so many different ways that we can nourish our minds and our bodies and our souls.

Margaret Feinberg, for example, showed us that self-care can look like taking time to rest so that our souls can recharge. We learned that self-care goes beneath our normal definitions of rest. It can also look like caring for our most foundational needs, like our mental health, which we learned from Anne Beiler. Writer Bunmi Laditan reminded us how important it is to connect with God to feed our souls, so that we can grow our fire to do good work in the world. My guest Allison Fallon taught us how important it is to take time from the hustle and bustle so that we can connect with who we are and what we're passionate about through writing it all down.

Today, we're going to take that idea one step further. We're going to talk about how important it is to reframe your priorities.

I sometimes wonder if some of the things we struggle with in the self-care department are really new or if it's all, at its core, old hat—the same struggles to care for ourselves that have been ongoing since the beginning of time.

There are so many things over which we have zero control. But you can make decisions today that impact how you—not your daughter or your spouse or your enemy—but how you choose to live, how you care like nobody else for the one life God's entrusted to you. And that's your own. The thing is, many of us think that we have to be doing everything all the time and we try so hard. And that's what the world tells us: that everything's important, everything's a priority, everything needs our attention, and it needs to happen now. It matters.

I want us to take some time today to think about this question: what would happen if we did only what truly matters and ditched what doesn't give us joy or space or peace or connection? I mean, what would our days look like? I wonder if they'd be a little more free, if your soul would be a little more free. You'd have more time to simply be with and really love your family and your friends. And frankly I think we'd all be a little bit lighter if we'd learn to be a lazy genius. Yeah, you heard me right. A lazy genius. And what do you know? Well, we're going to speak with The Lazy Genius herself today.

So, listen, if you don't know Kendra Adachi, you're going to be so glad you met her today. She was such a delight to speak to. Kendra is the founder of The Lazy Genius Collective, where she shows people how to discover the things that really matter to them and how to let go of the things that don't. So many people love what Kendra has to say that, when she released her very first book last year called The Lazy Genius Way, it instantly became a New York Times bestseller.

I loved spending time with Kendra today, and I know that you will too. So with all that said, please enjoy my conversation with the wonderful Kendra Adachi.

So What? Moments

Kendra Adachi

I think we're all made for a connection: connection with each other, with God (if you believe in God), connection with ourselves, connection with our communities, with nature. This is not a static life we're living, and we all feel that deeply. I don't think there's a person on this planet who does not long for connection somehow, so because of that, we all are very particularly wired to connect differently.

Nancy

if you're feeling overwhelmed and tired, like it's all just a bit too much, sit down and do a brain dump. Write down all the things you say matter to you, then begin to evaluate them. You're going to start to see what you say really matters versus what actually matters. And remember: if everything's a priority, nothing is a priority. You've got one life, one you, and caring for yourself matters because you matter.

Thought-Provoking Quotes

“Be a genius about the things that matter, and lazy about the things that don't—to you.” - Kendra Adachi

“The Lazy Genius Way is all about principles. It's not about rules or systems or something that could fall apart or break. Principles don't break. They always work because that's the very nature of them that they can transcend a situation and life stage and all of that. Even mood sometimes.” - Kendra Adachi

“You don't always have to be a person who gets it right all the time. That's so exhausting. And what is right anyway?” - Kendra Adachi

“I think that regardless of world view, we all just want to belong for who we are. We want to be valued just for being in the room, not for what we do to the room before we get there.” - Kendra Adachi

“Choosing to be lazy about something does not mean that it is not important by definition. It simply means that it does not have enough importance to you right now.” - Kendra Adachi

“There's no way that anyone exists without having some sort of passion about something, some sort of conviction about something. Something matters to you. There's always something that matters to you, and I do believe that once you actually say it out loud or write it down or see it on a list with other things, it just jumps... you say like, ‘Oh, why am I even concerning myself with these other things?’” - Kendra Adachi

“Can we just please experience each other with kindness and respect without it being a measuring stick for our own life and choices?” - Kendra Adachi

“The magic question is ‘What can I do now to make life easier later?’ Now, you could substitute life for anything. You can magic question anything. What can I do now to make school pick up easier later? What can I do now to make these friends coming over easier later, to make dinner easier later, to make connecting with my husband easier later, to make going for that walk that I wanted to take easier later?” - Kendra Adachi

“I don't think there's a person on this planet who does not long for connection somehow. So because of that, we all are very particularly wired to connect differently.” - Kendra Adachi

“We are too tired to connect. We are too aggravated by other people's assessments of our decision, we look at with judgmental eyes on other people's choices, really because we're insecure in our own, because no one's told us that it's okay to choose differently from each other.” - Kendra Adachi