Unraveling Body Shame & Embracing Beauty at Every Age: Mary DeMuth
We’ve all been there: standing in front of the mirror, plucking another gray hair with tweezers, wondering when we got this stretch mark or when that roll got there. We’re so critical of our bodies, thanks to messages we received when we were still running around with skinned knees and gap-toothed grins: “You must be beautiful to be loved. And beautiful looks like young, thin, and firm.” How do we widen our scope of “beautiful?” How can we fight back those messages and claim the worthiness of our bodies, just as they are right now? This week, Nancy sits down with Mary DeMuth, an author and speaker who shares her long road to recovery after experiencing sexual abuse in childhood. That trauma impacted the way Mary has viewed her body throughout her life. And today, Mary and Nancy dive into what it means to be kind to our bodies at all stages. Mary leads us through the “why” of the negative messages we receive about our bodies throughout our lives, and shows that no matter what stage we’re in, we are worthy of love and our bodies are worth celebration.
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Show Summary
Hi there, I'm Nancy Hicks. Welcome back to So What? Why It Matters. Continuing on in our Sex and the Whole Ball of Wax series. Today we are speaking about healthy versus unhealthy body image.
With the explosion of social media, unhealthy opinions on what our bodies should look like have skyrocketed. Not that it was so great even before social media, but we constantly see the perfect person on social media or anywhere online—for that matter, on book covers, massive billboards—and it may leave you wondering, Why don't I look like that?
That comparison is wrecking the mental health of so many women. It's wrecking our enjoyment of our bodies. And this kind of nosedive in our mental health and our self-esteem bleeds into our daily lives, directly impacting our enjoyment of living in our own skin. It gets infused into our interpersonal relationships. It impacts the way we interact with our partners generally and, likely, in the bedroom.
So we've got mass media's effect on us to scare us and place desires in us, and we've got constant peppering of negative messaging about our bodies from within our own little worlds. Now, layer in abuse. How does an abused person find the courage and ability to love their body once more after it's been through something so traumatic? How can they find ways to cherish and honor their bodies and see their bodies in a positive light?
This week, we're talking with author and podcaster Mary DeMuth about the way we look at ourselves and our bodies and how to recognize what's healthy and what's not. Mary comes to our conversation today after walking the long road to recovery after she experienced sexual abuse in her childhood. She's battled through the feelings of shame and confusion and fear that came with that experience. And I know what she shares with us today will impact you.
So please enjoy my conversation with Mary DeMuth.
So What? Moments
Mary DeMuth
An untold story never heals. Find someone who is safe, kind hearted, a good listener, who will bear the weight of that story because when we keep it in the dark, that's when things get darker and darker and darker, and we will never grow beyond that secrecy. We have to let it out in a safe place and once we do, that's when the healing begins.
Nancy
Pay attention to what you're saying about yourself, about your body, how harsh are you towards yourself. Notice if you have an unhealthy view by paying attention to the words you say to yourself when you’re alone.
Thought-Provoking Quotes
“How I process my pain, even before I met Christ, was to write it down. He gave me the ability to communicate that way, and He's used that gift to heal me. Now He is asking me to use that very same gift to help other people.” - Mary DeMuth
“God has a way to walk with us in the midst of that pain so that you don't have to feel like this is something you face alone.” - Mary DeMuth
“The truth is sin is rampant, and predatory behavior is rampant. And as we've seen through #MeToo and what's going on in any circle of power, whenever there is this circle of power—whether it be in Hollywood or in business or in the church—if there's a circle of power there, where there is a reputation to be upheld for the institution, you will have sexual abuse.” - Mary DeMuth
“What better way to destroy humanity but through sexual predation?” - Mary DeMuth
“We could put a filter all over our blemishes and no one would really see the real us, which in and of itself would cause us to think, I'm really not beautiful. People only love the image of me, not the real me.” - Mary DeMuth
“If I am exceptionally hard on myself in this area of my life, what I'm communicating to my daughters is, “Your perfection in your body is what matters. And when you don't have it, you're probably going to end up complaining.” - Mary DeMuth